The Deadliest Warrior

Whilst idly flicking through TV channels this week I stumbled across one of the most bizarre programs I have seen in a long time.
"The Deadliest Warrior" was attempting to answer the question that plagued philosophers throughout the twentieth century: Who would win in a fight between a gladiator and an Apache indian?

Whilst I can appreciate how this becomes a matter of heated debate after a few pints of fally-over water, I find it stunning that the makers of this program managed to talk anyone into putting it onto TV, complete with dramatic sequences displaying the possible outcome of such a battle. Whoever sold that to the investors is more dangerous than either of the warriors!

I must confess I would be interested to know just what algorithms were used when they "ran 1000 simulations through the computer", since it seems to me there are such a mind-boggling number of variables as to make the whole exercise meaningless.
We are promised another dozen such ridiculous confrontations, including Samurai vs Viking, Pirate vs Knight (not our Pirate, obviously, as her devastating charm, razor wit, and killer smile would easily conquer any foe sent against her), and even (I kid you not) Taliban vs IRA
I'd love to get my hands on that software and set up my own fights: Mongol Warrior vs Carmelite Nun, Ku Klux Klansman vs Hitler Youth, Crusader vs Pizza Delivery Boy!

Oh, and in case you are wondering: The Apache won. He had a knife...

Zulu vs. Viking. My money's on the Zulu. A bunch of them made a Roman tortuga formation look like a bunch of asses once. I think they could take a Viking. Or an Apache.

So basically they wanted to do Superman -vs- Batman but they could't get the licensing options.

Gomez wrote:

Zulu vs. Viking. My money's on the Zulu. A bunch of them made a Roman tortuga formation look like a bunch of asses once. I think they could take a Viking. Or an Apache.

Zulu vs Victorian British Soldier!

Ah, hold on, we've had that one haven't we...